A few nights ago I was talking to an old "friend".  He and I had a thing when we were in college but it never got serious... mostly because of his insecurities.  Our conversation (we haven't talked in a long time) began when I sent a mass text to my contacts list asking people to tell me 2 things that they wanted to say before the new year.  One of his two was that he had a dream about me recently.  I was curious and asked what about, and so we begain to talk a little.  He has not had a relationship since me.  He has given up on finding one, he's tired of looking and he's entirely negative about the whole thing... just like I used to be. 

I find myself now in the position where I am happy.  I have a guy who likes me for who I am (though we aren't dating yet).  We have fun, laugh a lot and enjoy each other's company.  While talking to my friend, I was thinking how ironic it was that now I am the happy one.  I wanted to tell him how everything would work out.  That he's a great person and someday someone will come along that would deserve him... you know, all the stereotypical crap that people spoon-feed you when you're single and not really happy.  But I didn't.  I know from experience that it doesn't really make a person feel better to hear those things.  I hope he doesn't really give up.  He really will be happy one day even though it doesn't seem (to him) very likely now. 

Wow!  I can't believe it's been that long since I updated!  I have been reading posts, though.

Okay, let's go back and start where I left off...

August: 
The festival went well... until Saturday night.  We had a big time beach music band playing and a huge thunderstorm came out of nowhere!  I was, as usual, working the Budweiser tent.  Where my ex just happened to show up (for the 3rd year).  He had parked a long way away and once it started getting bad, my uncle brought my car down to the park.  Well, to make a long story short... the storm was crazy!  Once the cops came down to the park and told us to get the people out, I told him to come with me and we got in my car and left.  We were on the way to my grandma's house when my friend called.  He wanted to know where I was and to tell me that I could come over to his house.  He lived closer so my ex and I went to his house.  Power went out for a long time.  Found out he still liked me.  Not exactly what I wanted to hear.  Eventually it calmed down and I drove him to his car and then went back to my friend's to talk.  He is amazing.  I just sat with him and talked for hours. 

A few weeks later, I started school.  Aside from my mentor being not very mentor-like (I found another person to mentor me!), starting my new career was great!  I really felt prepared to be in the classroom.  In the weeks leading up to school starting, I felt for sure that I would have a moment once all of the children got there and I closed the door and realized I was alone with 18 seven and eight year olds where I would think "What do I do now?"  But, I didn't.  It went really well.  I have a very active class and every day is an adventure. 

A few days before my birthday, Nana started having heart trouble again and they took her to the hospital.  We thought it would just be a week or two to get her medication regulated and get her back on track and then she would be home.  She hasn't been home since.  But I'll explain that as the time goes on.

My birthday was okay.  My friend G was supposed to have a party for me at his house, but he forgot.  I ended up going to my friend R's house to watch a football game.  Talked to G while I was there, found out his girlfriend was pregnant (7 months pregnant).  Had a good time at R's (a very good time)... then went to G's house after.  There, I had the best birthday cake ever!  He pulled a honeybun from the cabinet and stuck a red tapier candle in the middle and sang "happy birthday".  It was terribly sweet! 

September:

School was still going fine and I started my induction class (which I pretty much feel is a waste of time). 

Nana was still in the hospital.  Her cardiologist ordered a full-body scan (thankfully) since he realized that there was something other than her heart problem going on.  The scan discovered a very small brain tumor.  Plans were made and surgeons removed the tumor.  It was benign.  She remained in the hospital for the rest of the month.

October:

Yay school...

Nana went to another, closer hospital for rehab.  After a couple of days, she crashed and they revived her and sent her back to the other hospital.  After a few more weeks there she was moved to a local nursing home for rehab.  She made some great strides considering that she'd been in a hospital bed for 2 months.

Halloween was fun.  I went to the bar and had a good time with one of my favorite local bands.

November: 

Nana is almost walking without assistance now!  She can get up and get into a wheelchair and vice/versa.  They have started letting her come home during the day on weekends.  She will probably be home before Thanksgiving!  Talk about something to be thankful for!

School is still great... I'm counting down til Christmas break, though!

Well, that's the update... I'll write more later.

Big deal... we were holding hands on the love seat and they all saw him kiss me when I left.

Nobody knows that we made out on the love seat while everyone else was outside.

Big freaking deal.

Has he called? no

Does it bother me? no

Do I know what's going on?  as usual, no

I do know that he's 10 years older than me and my parents will freak.  I know that he's been married and is divorced.  I know that he thought the last guy I was kinda with was gay (E) and that he hates the guy that broke my heart (but he doesn't know about that).  He drinks and smokes and he's done a lot of things he's not proud of and he admitted it.  I know he's had several relationships with women older than him who were single mom's in the past few months.  I know that I'm different from any and all of that. 

Does he know that I'm different from all of that?  Does he really know me?  Probably not. 

To tell the truth, right now, I'm happy being single.  I don't know that I want to get involved with him. 

He's a nice guy but I wonder if he's "too nice" and if there's such a thing as being "too nice." 

We're more different than he realizes...

What should I do?  His friend (and mine) is texting me about it.  I tried to change the subject and kinda blow it off because I don't want him to be getting all up in our business... lol. 

I'm tired of shutting myself off from relationships but I'm obviously not good at them so I've almost given up on trying.  I don't want to lead him on or hurt him (but that's kind of hard to do when he hasn't talked to me, right?)  Should I call him?  Should I wait for him to call me? 

How'd we meet?  in a bar

So what?